So often, I read and write about the upside of visibility, and there is plenty to share on that score. What I’ve been pondering lately is the tender underbelly of visibility. This may not be something top of mind for you at this point because you are still intoxicated at the prospect of welcoming the influence, impact, and income that so often are associated with getting known for your winning ways.
That said, here are among the potential negative consequences associated with getting known that I have noticed in my own experience:
- Visibility is tough on thin skin.
- It makes you more subject to criticism and praise.
- Hecklers can be cruel.
- You may run into envy or jealousy from others.
- No more hiding out or being anonymous.
- Visibility brings up issues around worthiness.
- Visibility brings you face to face with lessons learned as a kid from parents and others in authority around bragging, self promotion, and standing out.
- Your wardrobe gets worn out fast, especially if you are photographed a lot.
- You may suffer loss of privacy.
- You may fear for your personal safety.
- Reputation management becomes more important and potentially expensive.
- Visibility can tax your “receiving” muscles, especially if scarcity and hard work are hard wired into who you are.
- It can be challenging to find safe ways to vent or ask for help the more visible you are.
Solutions
On the one hand, you could say, “Put on your big girl underpants and deal with it,” and that would certainly be one way to proceed.
My good friend Debbie Whitlock, managing director of the Seattle Chapter of eWomenNetwork, says that one solution is to surround yourself with truth tellers. These are the people who help you put situations quickly in perspective, especially if you feel you are being picked at like those dastardly little birds that eat crud off a hippo. She says it is important to remember that the brighter your light becomes, the more you will attract. And sometimes those who are attracted aren’t ready themselves for the heat and intensity of the light. She says, “Never dim your light to make anyone else feel safe or comfortable. Stand centered and true to yourself.”
That is pretty stellar advice.
And, the truth is, some of these issues run pretty deep and can’t be set aside with the shrug of a shoulder or the turning of a cheek. It takes some real work. Inner work. And I am working on it.
I’d love to hear from you about some of the negative consequences you have encountered around earning more visibility in your life and business. What have you done to overcome some of these challenges? This is a potentially powerful conversation that can be of service to many, so please share your thoughts by posting a comment.
Just like a happy dog or a curious kitten, we human animals crave it too, having our “tender underbelly” scratched. We long to be seen, heard, and known not for what we do, rather for who we are “being” in this world.
Sure, you could tell yourself to get over it and put on your big girl pants, but the truth is that there is a little girl under there still. Honor her…tell her you see her, hear her, and acknowledge all of her hopes and even her fears too.
This process is work, yes it’s inner work, and is a process of being more loving and gentle towards that little girl (or boy) who is always there inside each of us.
Thank you Blaze The inner work stuff is the most important and most difficult of all. Step by step, my citizens, step by step.
Such Beautiful Truth Telling Yourself Nancy. I’m about to send a blog that also talks about my inner mean voice that sabotage success in my life, and I can already hear the outside voices of those on the sidelines telling me I shouldn’t be so vulnerable, I need to create a more professional appearance, etc. etc. I’ve also noticed that the more visible I become, the more I attract people who want my services in exchange for helping me or improving my business in some way. It’s somewhat a perplexing compliment.
The most important thing I have learned is self love, boundaries, and not taking things personally…It’s not always easy, especially when I come from a “people pleaser” background, but it certainly is worth the practice! Thank you Nancy as always for your expert advice and authenticity.
Talk soon.
Hi Erika,
Thank you Erika. Your heart is so big, and I so appreciate what you are saying. I love this idea of setting better boundaries, and that is also a step by step thing. Let’s call this a sacred practice that we commit to as we navigate the road ahead. I’ll be your accountability partner if you’ll be mine. Are you game?
I’ve had three challenges to high visibility: 1) a love affair with solitude 2) perfectionism, and 3) feeling that I have to be a good role model at all times.
For many of the reasons that Nancy states above, I crave solitude in spite of having been a professional speaker for many years. When I was growing up my mom felt that she had to be “perfect” to be accepted by others. She must have passed some of that insecurity on to me because I had performance anxiety when I first started out as a speaker. The fear that I “inherited” didn’t keep me from doing what I wanted to do; it just kept me from enjoying it as much as I could have. Positive evaluations and rave reviews from audiences and clients barely softened Mom’s admonition to be perfect. I finally realized that I was living to her fears, everyone has a different idea of what “perfect” is, and “below average” to a perfectionist is usually over-the-top great for audiences; once I realized that, then being “front center” became easier and more fun.
I also find it unnerving when I feel that I have to be a good role model, and when friends quote me to myself. I wrote Spirit Incorporated, for example, about How to follow your Spiritual Path from 9 to 5, whatever your job, faith, or challenge. One thing I invite audiences and readers to do is to make a spiritual response their first response, not their last resort. But it’s tough being an inspirational writer who sometimes feels cranky, and then having friends remind me of my own advice, “Are you making a spiritual response your first response?!?” Whew. I think that part of being “spiritual” means to come to terms with what it means to be human, “real,” and “authentic.” How can we do that if we aren’t cranky, sad, or angry once in a while? 😉
Great topic Nancy!
I’ve been addressing this topic with clients for many years and what I remind people is that visibility is flexible! You can adjust and filter your visibility to your comfort level until you’re ready to kick it up a notch. So if you’re not ready for national exposure, take strides to make local connections. Or if you’re afraid of going outside your comfort zone, boost your visibility in front of people who get you.
One of my clients had an amazing break with exposure on a big national level. Then she totally freaked! I wrote about that in this post, you’ll enjoy it:
https://vivavisibilityblog.com/when-you-finally-get-the-visibility-you-deserve/